Anyone who has struggled with an eating disorder or has helped someone in their recovery process can appreciate how complex, unique and different every experience can be. Reading personal essays and stories is a great way to understand what others have gone through and what they have learned. Our blog, In Their Own Words, is a forum for people to share their insights, experiences, and, importantly, to let you know that YOU are not alone
All you Need is Within You…
I closed my business in December 2017.
Although it broke my heart in many ways, I knew my health was more important, and I decided to reach out for help.
I sat on the waitlist for five frustrating months, wondering why I chose this path, and what would be waiting for me?
I have now completed 8 weeks in hospital and 8 weeks of Intensive Outpatient. ( That’s what was waiting… lol)
My last day of outpatient was only a week ago, and I found myself feeling a bit lost and alone.
I was done! I did it! I completed all the tasks that were asked of me, never missed a day or a meeting!
Recovery win, right?
But… there was no big celebration waiting for me, there was not an abundance of congratulation messages coming in, there was no pat on the back and there was simply no validation in what I had accomplished?
I was left pondering, what next in my recovery, and who really gives a shit?
This reminded me of last year when I was training for my 21K marathon, and I would get up at crazy times to push myself to the next level in my training.
I spent hours focused on this, I did everything I needed to do, and I was prepared the day of the marathon.
I completed the marathon in the time I had predicted and I crossed the finish line!
But there was no celebration waiting for me, no pat on the back, and there was no validation that I had completed this outrageous task!
I felt physically and mentally terrible for weeks. What now, and who really gives a shit?
Here’s the lesson my friends- in life, we constantly set goals in order to accomplish a task, challenge ourselves and hope ‘people’ will be proud of us.
What I realized, is that the only person I need to answer to… is me, and the only validation I need, is my own.
We spend so much time waiting for other people to tell us that we did a good job, are important, proud of you, succeeded, are strong, inspiring, motivating…etc. and if we don’t get that, we start to doubt ourselves.
Recognizing this, as a problem of mine… I asked myself how I was feeling about my commitment to recovery?
I decided that I did a fantastic job starting my recovery and that I was all in, with my heart and soul.
Would I allow myself to skip backward because people weren’t jumping for joy around me??
It’s my journey, and it’s my responsibility to make choices that benefit myself.
It would be easy to give up and stop fighting, It’s so exhausting and time-consuming.
However, I am in charge of my life, and I need to be my biggest fan!
I can accomplish anything I set my mind to, and I will do it for me.
I no longer feel that anyone needs to pat me on the back everytime I meet a goal or challenge in my life. It’s simply not their job.
My relationship are very special to me, and I will never put that burden on people.
I’m choosing to move forward in my recovery for me.
The Only Way Out is Through…